User blog:Iamthelegion/Dorian Gray vs Count Dracula
Oh. Hi. I'm back for like, a few months, not quite on Skype yet tho D:. I'm guesting in Dragon's Rap Battles again soon! Also for the first time in Mythical Rap Battles of Historical Expletive (which I'm getting to work on RN). Today's battle had a cover and title cards made by my good friend Leo, but I kinda completely lost them and can't ask for them back cuz no Skype. Anyways, it features Dorian Gray, eponymous character of the amazing novel by Oscar Wilde, the Portrait of Dorian Gray, against monstertrucking Dracula (euphemisms :D), eponymous character of the great novel by Bram Stoker, along with five and a half tons of other things, to see who is the better villain with a corrupted soul, beautiful mind and unaging immortality. A few people guessed the characters but never the actual battle in the comments at least, Cave being first to get Dracula and Brandon being the first to get Dorian Gray. Also this was originally planned to come out before Flats ever used Dracula but that didn't happen. This battle could have been sooooo much better if I was a better writer. Cast: Iamthelegion as Dorian Gray in his mansion Iamthelegion as Count Dracula in his castle Iamthelazycaster as ??? Intro: Auxilary Lyrical Duels of Grimdark! Batman! Opposing! Ib! The Battle: Dorian Gray: Your chances in this contest are incurably aflame, Fangzilla You're up against an equally classic equally eternal killer Each of my bars are sharpened into stakes, your daymare Butchering 24/7 whilst your daylight goes NOWHERE Best looking man ever, make a gremlin out of Narcissus You but some Romanian who's outdated and hardly vicious The world is on fire, that will surely mar your looks Mail you in pieces - just like the text of your book! Dracula: Sit down, Hasselhoff, it’s time to face nightmare incarnate Harker, Summers, Van Helsing and Blade shared your fate Death is in store but you don't grasp what is at stake Will you still be a masterpiece when every bone I break? Stoker the fire under this somewhat Wilde mockery of horror You're so Sibyl Vane I'm surprised you didn't ignore her I assure you your time has come, you killed yourself in sheer disgust I may not have any but I sure as hell drew this battle's first blood Dorian Gray: Harry would find you amusing: as you surely know nothing Break your soul - why don't you ask my fiancee if I'm bluffing I may border on necrophilic, but no-one's into grey and sullen Spotted the Invisible Man and your ladies I was surely Cullen Your story and mine apply two entirely different styles of tragic Hold on to your corpse; I long for another monstrosity for the attic Dracula: You call those burns? The moon at night much more threatening A crappy Irish film, that all you've earned with your treachery Didn't you hear? I'm already the corpse, but I die no further Far from a Prince Charming, leave Basil screaming bloody murder Choose beauty or brains, either way I'll drain you in your whole Devil's in the details, beast's in the senses, both in your soul Dorian Gray: Do not mistake for a house what is merely a night's lodging That extends to winning lines and that crap you're hocking I've read poets more vampiric than you, Bram's balderdash I'd see you at the Opera were you not so low on cash Life the greatest tragedy I know, but yours? Poor comedy The work of God made this devil, a ponderable anomaly Dracula: Ponderable? All you do is contemplate and philosophise You found unalienable truths yet all you spit is lies A true terror of the night to this day, I'm global English yet Ireland's the only place you're knowable From Transylvania to Wallachia I rule in but a snap You think to kill me, yet Dracula always comes back Dorian Gray: Is that all you can boast? Gautier left my point demisted You're scum, I am the reason why the material world existed Not frozen, but rather I'd drown you in any lack I spot I am a brilliant work of literature, and you? You're not. Dracula: My story lasted through the ages, spawning cult-like phases Trap you in classic verbal mazes as I condemn you to the blazes You can hack ladies but you can't hack it, best use some agate You need eloquence to go above maggot, already your death - I am it Dorian Gray: I'll see you looking pallid as I enter rooms since I can't finish you You'll be blackballed as I denounce you as a coward who knows not the issue Dracula: There can be no issue here, so I suggest you run back to your embroideries I import into all deep fear, if I spare you you best not be annoying me Dorian Gray: You think I'm annoying? Screech off, back to your decrepit castle Dracula: I'll just super speed there, trust me, it's no real hassle Dorian Gray: Time for me to leave this markedly, I'm the Extraordinary Gentleman Dracula: Like that could deal harm to me, you even teamed with my spawn then Dorian Gray: Get lost, you flying rat! I'm more affluent then a Tranny Vlad! Dracula: I would rather give you the opportunity, next to me you a broke hack Dorian Gray: You have thrust me out of order, it is time you succumbed! Dracula: Go back to England before I rend your flesh into mere crumbs! Dorian Gray: I shall slay you like any dunce who dares try to tempt me Dracula: You'll tear apart like canvas, noble breeding doesn't exempt, see Dorian Gray: If only this feud would end! Dracula: I'll beat you so badly you'll cry Dorian Gray and Dracula: GIVE IT UP ALREADY, YOU LEECH! WON'T YOU DIE!?!?! ???: Yes. (A young man walks into the room. It zooms in and reveals that man to be... JOE BLACK!) Joe Black: You've cheated death for long enough and rapped for near three hours Now I am become Death and beneath these delicious rhymes you cower I'll crush you with technology of which you have not seen the like For I've persevered on to the New World, so get back onto your bike Ask any businessman, this studly mover's more a staker than a shaker Each one of my lines brings two collisions, call them a double breaker You may maintain your pale mockery as being even near to human life You could spend centuries trying, Dorian, you still won't get a wife With all your attempts to understand, infinites from even a glimpse You'll be black-balled, taken down like Bill by a slip from Quince As to mister Emo king, I'll send you truly and finally on to Fangtasia Coming as unaviodably as taxes, it was obvious I could out-brave you You'll need more than a building full of doctors if I become bored Would you rather end in your Parish or on the sound room floored? Goodbye, Dorian, and goodbye, shadowy demon all too fond of a slice... This encounter, like you, is over, for lightning never strikes twice. WHO WON? YOU DECIDE! WHO'S NEXT? WHO DECIDES!?!?! ALTERNATE RAP BATTLES OF HORR-ooorrr! See you... (water slowly fills up the screen) next ti-glurp (water fills the screen and then a hand reaches out) Outro: Who won this shizzle? Dorian Gray Count Dracula Joe Black Yes, Joe Black isn't horror, but I liked the film so I damn well used him. He fits the connection in eternal youth causing harm, and he's a twist as he brings death whilst they defy death, and mostly just I wanted to use Joe Black. Sue me. Hints (each hint is to a different rapper in the royale :D): fja5.jpg Chris_McLean.jpg sterling-silver-rings-wholesale.jpg art3.png 19440025-015front.jpg A clue!.jpg Johnnytest_gil_thumb.png pierre-puvis-de-chavannes-the-poor-fisherman.jpg Category:Blog posts